Wednesday, October 29, 2008
To Blog Or Not To Blog......
aaahhhhh yes, that is the question. All things considered and being equal, for now the answer to that will have to be a resounding NNNnnnooooottt!!!!!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Rainy Days and Mondays
First, the song lyric:
Talkin' to myself and feelin' old
Sometimes I'd like to quit
Nothing ever seems to fit
Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.
What I've got they used to call the blues
Nothin' is really wrong
Feelin' like I don't belong
Walkin' around
Some kind of lonely clown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.
There are more verses but those are the important ones. Today is Monday, it's raining, I'm lonely and feeling down. I had a great idea for a layout, but with my camera broken, I couldn't take a picture for it. I searched the web but couldn't find any free pictures. Even the sites that advertise as being free, aren't. Aarrrrggghhh! Frustration! I'm one of those people that once I get something in my head I just won't be happy until I see it through. Giving up is the same as failing in my mind, and having been a failure most of my life, I will hang on to whatever way longer than I should.
I had Matty Dave here today. I get him tomorrow and Friday too. But I miss Joel. Never satisfied am I. I'm an "I want it all and I want it now" girl I guess.
Haven't heard from my Classmates friends in a few days. That's depressing. I don't know why it is, but it is. I found out that we're having a class reunion next October and by hook or by crook, I'm going to be there this time!
Yesterday was Kym's 27th birthday. Dana will be 26 in November. When did they get that old? Did I blink? These are my babies! They were just living with me a minute ago! Now I feel so old, they've passed the quarter century mark and I'm well past the half. Depressing.
I think it's time to go to bed. When i wake up, no more rainy days and Mondays......
Monday, October 13, 2008
I've been havin' fun
Anybody out there a member of Classmates.com? I recommend it to everybody. After nearly 40 years out of school, I have reconnected with a couple of former classmates. Not the one I was looking for when I joined, but what the heck, it was still so worth it because I've made one brand new friend and reconnected with three old ones. Two of whom I communicate with regularly.
They were part of the group of kids I idolized in high school. I was too much of a "goodie two shoes" back then to fit in with their crowd, but oh how I wanted to be bad. It was the late 60's, early 70's and Peace, Love and Flower Power. "Hippies" and drugs. A "free" lifestyle. I liked everything about it except the drugs. They scared me. And there was the other thing. I was a good girl. On the one hand I was afraid of my parents wrath. Didn't want to do anything to incur it. On the other hand, I hooked up with the Mormon Church which my parents thought was their worst nightmare. They considered it a cult and felt that I was being brainwashed. What they didn't know was that for me it was a struggle between good and bad and in order to remain the "good girl" they wanted, I needed to rein myself in and made my choice accordingly. I stuck with my decision, but still, from afar, looked on at that other group of kids, longing to be a part of their lives as well. I never knew how unhappy they were. Maybe we should have talked then.
We're talking now. It's kind of ironic how life turns out. These people who were making such a mess of their lives back then, managed to live through it and are now successful people and living pretty nice lives. Little miss "goodie two shoes", who fought so hard to keep her demons at bay, finally fell and fell hard. Drug addiction and multiple marriages being only the tip of the ice burg. A loser with a capital L.
There is no time limit on repentance though. I took a page out of my son-in-law's book, and decided to get my butt in gear and find my church. Yesterday I attended my new branch for the first time and met my new "family". It was also Fast Sunday and I was able to bear my Testimony. I also continued my fast until late in the evening because I had much to fast and pray about.
I capped the day off by spending an hour or so exchanging e mails with my classmate in Texas. It was fun and he sent tons of pictures, both old and new. A long trip down memory lane and some beautiful Texas nature shots. He challenged me to identify the people in some old pictures and I'm sure I failed miserably. Today I sent the pictures to my other friend in Washington state. He was in the pictures and had a hard time figuring out who HE was let alone the others. That made me feel a LOT better. It was lots of fun and I think we got the important ones figured out! So, while I can't be doing layouts, I'm still enjoying myself, catching up with friends from the past. Try it, it'll be fun!
A word of advice if you're going to join Classmates. Include a picture! Now and then if you have one. After you've been out of touch for a while it is sometimes hard to put faces and names together.
They were part of the group of kids I idolized in high school. I was too much of a "goodie two shoes" back then to fit in with their crowd, but oh how I wanted to be bad. It was the late 60's, early 70's and Peace, Love and Flower Power. "Hippies" and drugs. A "free" lifestyle. I liked everything about it except the drugs. They scared me. And there was the other thing. I was a good girl. On the one hand I was afraid of my parents wrath. Didn't want to do anything to incur it. On the other hand, I hooked up with the Mormon Church which my parents thought was their worst nightmare. They considered it a cult and felt that I was being brainwashed. What they didn't know was that for me it was a struggle between good and bad and in order to remain the "good girl" they wanted, I needed to rein myself in and made my choice accordingly. I stuck with my decision, but still, from afar, looked on at that other group of kids, longing to be a part of their lives as well. I never knew how unhappy they were. Maybe we should have talked then.
We're talking now. It's kind of ironic how life turns out. These people who were making such a mess of their lives back then, managed to live through it and are now successful people and living pretty nice lives. Little miss "goodie two shoes", who fought so hard to keep her demons at bay, finally fell and fell hard. Drug addiction and multiple marriages being only the tip of the ice burg. A loser with a capital L.
There is no time limit on repentance though. I took a page out of my son-in-law's book, and decided to get my butt in gear and find my church. Yesterday I attended my new branch for the first time and met my new "family". It was also Fast Sunday and I was able to bear my Testimony. I also continued my fast until late in the evening because I had much to fast and pray about.
I capped the day off by spending an hour or so exchanging e mails with my classmate in Texas. It was fun and he sent tons of pictures, both old and new. A long trip down memory lane and some beautiful Texas nature shots. He challenged me to identify the people in some old pictures and I'm sure I failed miserably. Today I sent the pictures to my other friend in Washington state. He was in the pictures and had a hard time figuring out who HE was let alone the others. That made me feel a LOT better. It was lots of fun and I think we got the important ones figured out! So, while I can't be doing layouts, I'm still enjoying myself, catching up with friends from the past. Try it, it'll be fun!
A word of advice if you're going to join Classmates. Include a picture! Now and then if you have one. After you've been out of touch for a while it is sometimes hard to put faces and names together.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
It's Just My Life. So I Laugh
What do you do when you are extremely manic and acting aggressively, yet so depressed you want to end it all? You tell your Dr. if you know what's good for you. So I sat there laughing about my stupid behavior and saying how depressed I was. Even laughed about "my plan" and why I didn't carry it out. Squirming all around in my chair, always looking to my case manager whenever I felt a bit of emotion. Then Doc said he couldn't increase my antidepressant. Immediate mood swing. Tears wouldn't stop flowing. Sounds a lot like an attempt at manipulation doesn't it. While the tears flowed the Doc quietly explained something I'd never been told. An increase in antidepressants during an extreme manic episode would not help the depression and would worsen the mania. Knowledge is power, and after two weeks of treatment, I am feeling more my old self. I'm much calmer, no more aggression, and the depression seems to be better. Now, when I'm laughing at the mishaps in my life, I'm really laughing. Not wearing a mask. I mean really, what else can you do?
I had a trial version of PhotoShop Elements 6. I was having so much fun with it that my daughter and son in law ordered the real thing for me a couple of weeks before my 30 days would run out. Plenty of time right? Of course in 30 days I became quite an addict. Then my time ran out. Aaaahhhhh. What to do? I'm addicted. I had to laugh. So ridicules! Find something else creative to do until PSE6 comes in the mail. keeping my finger in the pie so to speak. So I did.
I decided to start setting up a special blog just for my scrap booking layouts. I picked out a name and a nice background for it and had it all ready to start putting my layouts in it. I wanted it to be special, so I wasn't hurrying, wanted to think it through. Today I got a notice from the webmaster that my blog had been frozen for suspicion of spam. I had to fill out a "form" to prove that I'm "human" and they will let me know within 48 hours if I am allowed to use my blog or not. I had to laugh. Sometimes I wonder myself if I'm human, so I'm waiting anxiously to find out!
For months now I've been living in Michigan not knowing where my church is. My daughter who lives nearby said she thought it was in Ithaca but she didn't know where. A couple of weeks ago my son helped me find it on lds.org and it showed the address and the name and phone numbers of the Branch President. I still did nothing. Then one of my sons in law wrote in a blog of his search for a LDS Temple in Japan. In spite of obstacle after obstacle he did not give up and finally made it to the Temple. He reminded me of the Testimony I have, and if my Testimony is true, I need to find my way to my church, overcoming all of my obstacles. I got on the Internet and looked the information up again. I called my Branch President. The number was disconnected. I had to laugh. But I didn't give up! I called my Bishop out in Springville and put him on the case. It took 3 calls to get through to him, but I persevered. He will find someone for me to contact and I will find a way to become active again! he also told me that I would be able to hear the General Conference talks online in just a few days.
last Spring Social Security sent me a check for over $400. and a letter saying they hadn't been paying me enough so they were giving me a lump sum payment. As a result I got another letter from Supplemental Security Income saying that because of my raise, I had been over paid $11. and was no longer eligible for SSI. Please send $11. ASAP. Fast forward to today. I forgot to pay the $11. between moving and Jimmy dying etc, but that's nothing really. I got another letter from SSI today. Now in addition to the $11. they say that I now owe another $99. for the months of April to December 2007. The time SS sent me the lump sum for in May. I had to laugh. No wonder this country is in such dire financial straits. One hand doesn't know what the other is doing. I guess I'd better hurry up and give them back their $110. to help pay back the $7trillion they just gave away.
Back to the PSE6 thing. Tonight I peeked in on one of my daughters blogs and discovered that she is hosting a Speed Scrap in a couple of days. This is exciting news! Speed Scraps are awesome and very challenging. And, I will say it, this is the daughter that purchased PSE6 for me and got me started in digital scrapbooking to start with. A most talented kid! This is a mothers dream...at least this mother...to participate in her own daughter's challenge. So you know, I had to laugh. I mean, this is my life. What are the chances my PSE6 will arrive in the next two days.
One can always hope. (I know prayers work better, but I try to save them for less self centered things.
I had a trial version of PhotoShop Elements 6. I was having so much fun with it that my daughter and son in law ordered the real thing for me a couple of weeks before my 30 days would run out. Plenty of time right? Of course in 30 days I became quite an addict. Then my time ran out. Aaaahhhhh. What to do? I'm addicted. I had to laugh. So ridicules! Find something else creative to do until PSE6 comes in the mail. keeping my finger in the pie so to speak. So I did.
I decided to start setting up a special blog just for my scrap booking layouts. I picked out a name and a nice background for it and had it all ready to start putting my layouts in it. I wanted it to be special, so I wasn't hurrying, wanted to think it through. Today I got a notice from the webmaster that my blog had been frozen for suspicion of spam. I had to fill out a "form" to prove that I'm "human" and they will let me know within 48 hours if I am allowed to use my blog or not. I had to laugh. Sometimes I wonder myself if I'm human, so I'm waiting anxiously to find out!
For months now I've been living in Michigan not knowing where my church is. My daughter who lives nearby said she thought it was in Ithaca but she didn't know where. A couple of weeks ago my son helped me find it on lds.org and it showed the address and the name and phone numbers of the Branch President. I still did nothing. Then one of my sons in law wrote in a blog of his search for a LDS Temple in Japan. In spite of obstacle after obstacle he did not give up and finally made it to the Temple. He reminded me of the Testimony I have, and if my Testimony is true, I need to find my way to my church, overcoming all of my obstacles. I got on the Internet and looked the information up again. I called my Branch President. The number was disconnected. I had to laugh. But I didn't give up! I called my Bishop out in Springville and put him on the case. It took 3 calls to get through to him, but I persevered. He will find someone for me to contact and I will find a way to become active again! he also told me that I would be able to hear the General Conference talks online in just a few days.
last Spring Social Security sent me a check for over $400. and a letter saying they hadn't been paying me enough so they were giving me a lump sum payment. As a result I got another letter from Supplemental Security Income saying that because of my raise, I had been over paid $11. and was no longer eligible for SSI. Please send $11. ASAP. Fast forward to today. I forgot to pay the $11. between moving and Jimmy dying etc, but that's nothing really. I got another letter from SSI today. Now in addition to the $11. they say that I now owe another $99. for the months of April to December 2007. The time SS sent me the lump sum for in May. I had to laugh. No wonder this country is in such dire financial straits. One hand doesn't know what the other is doing. I guess I'd better hurry up and give them back their $110. to help pay back the $7trillion they just gave away.
Back to the PSE6 thing. Tonight I peeked in on one of my daughters blogs and discovered that she is hosting a Speed Scrap in a couple of days. This is exciting news! Speed Scraps are awesome and very challenging. And, I will say it, this is the daughter that purchased PSE6 for me and got me started in digital scrapbooking to start with. A most talented kid! This is a mothers dream...at least this mother...to participate in her own daughter's challenge. So you know, I had to laugh. I mean, this is my life. What are the chances my PSE6 will arrive in the next two days.
One can always hope. (I know prayers work better, but I try to save them for less self centered things.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)