It Ain't Easy

A small town can be a fabulous place to live. Everyone knows you and if you are in need, someone is always there to lend a hand or a listening ear. When things are good, they are VERY good! When they turn bad it's a nightmare! Small town living, as fabulous as it can be, is far from perfect. All it takes is one mistake, saying the "wrong" thing at the "wrong" time or becoming friendly with the "wrong" person or group, and you find that suddenly your world has been turned upside down.

Recently a series of events added up to some real problems for me mentally. It built up gradually, kinda snuck it's way in, then WHAMMO! Major brain malfunction! It was a fairly serious one because it included a black out lasting several hours.

I was relieved to find out that there was no terrible behavior during the black out, but was quite distraught to learn that in the hours either leading up to or immediately following, there was an incident of which I'm very ashamed.

I was acting in an extreme manic manner and said something totally out of character to a very sensitive young man....and NO ONE called me on it! When I started feeling more "myself", I was back outside chatting with the neighbors as usual, except that one (who claimed to be my very good friend)began making very nasty remarks to me and I could hear the whispers begin as soon as I would walk away from any group discussion. Finally I asked my real friend if she knew what was wrong. That is how I found out how horribly I'd behaved.

Thankfully I had the opportunity to talk to the young fellow about what happened and give him a most sincere apology, which he accepted. I am so thankful for that because to me, what I said was unforgivable. I also apologised and explained the nature of my illness (in case ,God forbid, it should happen

again)to the others who were witness to the incident.

If this "thing" had not been dealt with swiftly, I would have found within a very short time the the story had spread like wildfire and had grown and changed with each telling until the good people of this town would've been wanting me hung from the closest tree.

I am so thankful for my Doctors, who keep on top of my med needs and prevent these Jekyll/Hyde things from happening most of the time. I'm thankful for the one true friend who had my back even when it seemed I didn't deserve it. I'm thankful for the forgiveness that helped me get back on track. I'm thankful for my Heavenly Father's love and the gift of Repentance. I am also, in a way, thankful for this illness, for it has taught me tolerance, hope, and a greater respect for myself---just the way I am.

***The people in these photo's are a few of my lovely neighbors and family. No one who was hurt in the incident is pictured.***